Sexual limits – what are yours?

I want to make one thing clear before I go any further, what I’m about to write isn’t meant to kink shame anyone. I want to write about something that’s considered, even within the kink community, to be on the more extreme end.

I was asked what my sexual limitations were and I’ve always known what they are and how to express them to my partners. Sure, they may have changed slightly over time, the more sexually experienced I’ve become and the more I’ve pushed my boundaries. Things I perhaps wouldn’t have dreamt of doing a year ago seem less scary now or are something I happily enjoy.

But there are still aspects of BDSM that I can’t see myself ever being comfortable with. For example, I’ve never been interested in needle or knife play. However, there is one area of BDSM that stands out for me and something I could never see myself doing and that’s what’s known as CNC.

CNC stands for Consensual Non Consent. Typical CNC scenarios include simulated rape, use of knives, drugging, being chased or pursued, used by multiple men, being tied down and blindfolded, abduction as well as being forced to do things against their will.

Even writing these things down makes me uncomfortable. They’re dark fantasies I know many people have. So rather than shying away from discussing them, I’m keen to know more and hear from those that do engage in CNC.

In terms of where I stand, I have a number of concerns that stop me from wanting to engage in CNC. One such are the legal implications, particularly concerning the men who engage in it. I’ve always wondered how you protect yourselves from accusations of rape?

On the woman’s part, where do you draw the line? How do you know when it’s gone too far for you? A woman is asking to have their control taken away. They want to know what it feels like to be raped whilst still being able to safeword out. It seems to me like a dangerously fine line.


I found that the further I delved into exploring this notion of limitations, the more I began to realise that having limitations are important and necessary. They’re there to protect us and keep us safe. I’ve always found it slightly worrying and even reckless hearing people say, they have ‘no limit’s’. I always wonder how much this is true.