When he tells you he’s…polyamorous

I was laying in bed with my primal Dom when he casually slips into the conversation that he’s polyamorous. We’d chatted a great deal before we finally met and slept together and this never came up. Now all I can think about is whether I’d have chosen to go ahead and sleep with this man if I’d known about it before. I’d then have had a choice as to whether it was something I wanted to be involved in.


The truth is, I know very little about polyandry. With the exception of a Louis Theroux documentary it’s not something I’ve had an experience with. But now that the issue has come up, I’m keen to learn more about it to decide whether I want to continue, even if it’s only us sleeping together at present. 

What I do know is that to be polyamorous you’re usually in a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who also has other sexual partners. This is different from an open relationship, although from what I’ve read so far, the two seem to blur a little.

The bigger question I have though, is how much of my time and energy do I commit to something that was essentially thrust upon me? I felt annoyed when he first told me and I’ve spent some time trying to decide whether that’s because he didn’t tell me earlier or the thought of having to share him.  He asked if I got jealous easily and I said yes. I’ve only ever been in long-term monogamous relationships and I’ve never had to share. I’m not sure I have the temperament to be in a polyamorous relationship as I’d imagine being possessive is frowned upon. Nor can I see myself sharing easily.

Having said that, I do like the idea of being able to love and enjoy sexual relations with multiple people at the same time. I’ve never been keen on the idea of marriage precisely because I felt that one person my entire life couldn’t possibly fulfil me.

I’m keen to hear and learn about other people’s experiences of polyandry. Are you in or have you ever been in a polyandrous relationship. What advice would you give to someone in the early stages like myself? Do feel free to leave comments below or contact me directly.

The Erotic Journal Challenge – My Sexual Realizations

Erotic Journal Challenge

I’ve been meaning to do this for some time, but with the Bank Holiday here, I’ve finally found the time to start the Erotic Journal Challenge hosted by Bridget Writes.
For those that don’t know about the challenge, Bridget posts a topic or question each week that encourages you to tap into your own sensuality and eroticism and answer the prompts however you see fit whether that’s with a story, poem etc. you get the idea. Once you’re done you post a link on her blog.

erotic journal challenge

#EroticJournalChallenge #eroticjournalchallenge

Week #14 Sexual Realization

For this week, my first week taking part, it seems fitting to start with ‘realization’ and the prompt to, “write about a time when you realized something about your sexuality.”

There have been a few stand out moments of realization when it comes to my sexuality, one of which led to the eventual creation of this blog, as well as smaller ones that you only appreciate looking back on.

But the one that came to mind first was actually a false realization, the mistaken belief that I might be asexual. This was around 2012 when I came across an article in the Guardian about a number of young people who described themselves as ‘asexual’. This was a word I’d only ever heard used to describe plants, so my curiosity was immediately aroused.


For those who don’t know already, ‘asexuality’ describes the absence of sexual desire, not, as some mistakenly think, the suppression of it, which is celibacy. 1% of the population describes themselves as asexual.

The article’s headline read, ‘in a society obsessed with sex, it’s hard if you have no sexual desire at all. Some are searching for a new form of intimacy’.

It was the word ‘intimacy’ that really stood out for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was craving intimacy, and not necessarily the sexual kind.

They spoke to Bryony a biology student from Manchester who felt unable to join in on the conversations involving sex and sexual attractiveness. But the overwhelming and recurrent theme was loneliness. There seemed to be a real desire to form meaningful relationships that didn’t involve sex and at that time, this was something I was deeply craving. I’d left University and my small but intimate friendship group where we were able to talk to each other about everything and I was missing that.

This coupled with the fact that I’d started a course of anti-depressants for panic attacks, meant that my libido was almost non-existent and I really began to wonder if I was asexual. My sexual desire seemed to have deserted me. I had lost all interest in sexual activity and I now realize I had confused this lack of interest with the fact that many asexuals don’t find anyone sexually attractive. At the time I had no idea that there was a link between a low libido and taking anti-depressants.

It took me a while but I soon realized two things; one, how closely my moods were linked to my sexual desires, something up until that point I’d never really considered. When I was feeling low my desires waned or disappeared. For a long time my low moods became the norm.

The Joys of Sexting

The second realization came when I reconnected with an old university flame who unexpectedly reignited my sexual desires through sexting, something I’d never done before. It wasn’t that I was asexual, it was that I had been deeply lonely and unhappy and lacked an outlet for expressing my sexual desires. The sexting gave me that.

Looking back now it seems almost laughable. Here I am writing about having once thought I was asexual on my very own sex blog. I’ve always loved words. Sexting, erotica and now this blog have helped me realize the power they have to excite and stimulate. Once I discovered that, there was no stopping me.

Of course there have been other realizations that came later, my bisexuality and my love of kink being just two of them. But the one I’ve just described has probably been the one that made me realize the most about myself.

Lets Talk about Gags & Pegs

This is the second visit to my primal don in as many weeks. Each time I see him, he pushes me further and further out of my sexual comfort zone. I let him because he is far more experienced in the world of BDSM than I am and I’m keen to learn.

This way why, when he suggested gagging me with rope and using pegs on me, I agreed. I love nipple play. It’s one of the quickest ways to get me in the period and I’ve been keen for a while to use nipple clamps. My primal dom said there was no need for those fancy nipple clamps, good old fashioned clothes pegs would do just as well.

The pegs were attached directly to my nipples. Even laying down I could feel the weight of them tugging at my nipples. It started off as a sharp pain that became duller and duller as he began to use rope to gag me with.

Like the pegs this was the first time I’ve been gagged with rope. I’ve had hands over my mouth and knickers in their but never rope tided so tightly that I begin to drool and bite down.

The problem is, with the gag so tight I’m unable to speak and therefore to use my safe word when he decides to gently squeeze the pegs on my nipples. I feel a white hot pain shoot through both boobs and I attempt to push his hands away but he thinks I’m play fighting and tries to restrain me. It’s not until I start shacking my head and trying to get up that he reads my reaction and quickly removes the pegs. I have rather large nipples and still the pegs have managed to break the skin on both nipples.

My dom knows what to do and starts aftercare. He covers me with his bed sheets, strokes and cuddles me until I stop shaking. He brings me tea and orders me food and when I’m ready we talk through what had just happened.

I realise that this is as much a learning curve for him, as it is for me. As a new partner he is still learning to reading situations and discover where my boundaries lay and this experience made me realise more than ever, how important communication is between sub and dom.

I know my own body and he doesn’t yet. I know my nipples are incredibly sensitive and probably need less pinching and squeezing. Because these garden pegs aren’t adjustable, they aren’t as flexible and the pressure is, I’d imagine, greater.

Even with his experience mistakes can happen and for me this is all part of exploring the world of BDSM. Needless to say I won’t be using pegs again however, I haven’t given up on nipple play and may just be heading out to buy some proper nipple clamps as I finish this

Meeting a ‘Primal’ Dom

The deeper I delve into the world of kink and BDSM, the more I learn and the more I discover about myself. Even as I write this I know what a massive cliché that sounds. But this decision to open myself up to exploring my sexuality has only happened very recently.


Author’s own image

It was also one of the reasons why I wanted to start this blog. BDSM and kink can seem daunting for an outsider. It certainly was for me. By writing about it I thought I could help others thinking of doing the same, whilst also seeking advice, support and guidance from those that are far more experienced.

This world even seemed to have it’s own vocabulary, so when I met a man who described himself as a ‘primal dom’ I had to go away and look it up. I discovered, without realising it, that many of my previous lovers exhibited similar animalistic tendencies.

According to Kinky a ‘Primal Dom’ is someone who enjoys primal play:

Primal play is a style of BDSM that focuses on raw feelings and actions that are evoked by natural impulses and urges. Social norms and niceties are discarded for a very unfiltered self. The civilized shell gives way to emotions and sexual desire that ranges from happiness, joy, playfulness, silliness, sadness, and grief. It is arguable that one cannot be fully primal out of prioritizing safety and comfort. However, primal play allows the submissive who loves to be fully dominated to experience their fantasy. This practice involves using the kink tools we were born with: nails, hair, teeth, and skin. Primal play is based around the concept of retreating back to the primitive animal persona, where labels and protocols don’t apply. Wrestling, pulling hair back, biting, and growling are some of the many things that fit into this style of BDSM.

As a primal dom, I’m his sub primal prey. At first I bulked at this notion of being someone’s ‘prey’ but when I thought about it, I remembered how in nature, prey don’t just give themselves up to being eaten, they fight back, they run. I liked this idea of not giving in, of being pursued and my dom almost having to prove himself worthy. If he’s going to dom me, he has to show he can and I in return will put up a fight.

So far he’s supported me through this whole experience and is keen for me to know that he’ll take care of everything I need and all I need do is simply do as I’m told. I don’t have to think up scenarios or positions, he has it covered. As someone who used to have a job where she had to be in control at all times, give orders and be in charge of the safety and well-being of others, to give that up is liberating and I feel as if my stress level have decreased massively.  Having said that, I never feel as if I’ve lost control. I can stop things at any time and he obeys. There’s something incredibly instinctual about this kind of sex. Add this to my primal dom’s love of rope and I found I gave myself up completely to him. 

Inside all of us somewhere there is an inner darkness, a need to explore the shadows. Most never dare. With my primal dom I get to do that, I get to feel as if I’m going places that are taboo and sit just on the border of societal acceptability.

If you’re interested in reading more then I found this article illuminating: What does it mean to be primal?

Kinkly website: Definition of primal