The deeper I delve into the world of kink and BDSM, the more I learn and the more I discover about myself. Even as I write this I know what a massive cliché that sounds. But this decision to open myself up to exploring my sexuality has only happened very recently.

It was also one of the reasons why I wanted to start this blog. BDSM and kink can seem daunting for an outsider. It certainly was for me. By writing about it I thought I could help others thinking of doing the same, whilst also seeking advice, support and guidance from those that are far more experienced.

This world even seemed to have it’s own vocabulary, so when I met a man who described himself as a ‘primal dom’ I had to go away and look it up. I discovered, without realising it, that many of my previous lovers exhibited similar animalistic tendencies.

According to Kinky a ‘Primal Dom’ is someone who enjoys primal play:

Primal play is a style of BDSM that focuses on raw feelings and actions that are evoked by natural impulses and urges. Social norms and niceties are discarded for a very unfiltered self. The civilized shell gives way to emotions and sexual desire that ranges from happiness, joy, playfulness, silliness, sadness, and grief. It is arguable that one cannot be fully primal out of prioritizing safety and comfort. However, primal play allows the submissive who loves to be fully dominated to experience their fantasy. This practice involves using the kink tools we were born with: nails, hair, teeth, and skin. Primal play is based around the concept of retreating back to the primitive animal persona, where labels and protocols don’t apply. Wrestling, pulling hair back, biting, and growling are some of the many things that fit into this style of BDSM.

As a primal dom, I’m his sub primal prey. At first I bulked at this notion of being someone’s ‘prey’ but when I thought about it, I remembered how in nature, prey don’t just give themselves up to being eaten, they fight back, they run. I liked this idea of not giving in, of being pursued and my dom almost having to prove himself worthy. If he’s going to dom me, he has to show he can and I in return will put up a fight.

So far he’s supported me through this whole experience and is keen for me to know that he’ll take care of everything I need and all I need do is simply do as I’m told. I don’t have to think up scenarios or positions, he has it covered. As someone who used to have a job where she had to be in control at all times, give orders and be in charge of the safety and well-being of others, to give that up is liberating and I feel as if my stress level have decreased massively.  Having said that, I never feel as if I’ve lost control. I can stop things at any time and he obeys. There’s something incredibly instinctual about this kind of sex. Add this to my primal dom’s love of rope and I found I gave myself up completely to him. 

Inside all of us somewhere there is an inner darkness, a need to explore the shadows. Most never dare. With my primal dom I get to do that, I get to feel as if I’m going places that are taboo and sit just on the border of societal acceptability.

If you’re interested in reading more then I found this article illuminating: What does it mean to be primal?

Kinkly website: Definition of primal