Today, on BiVisibility Day, I thought I’d write a little something about my bisexuality, not because being bi is trendy or cool but because being sexually attracted to women is as natural for me as being attracted to men is.
There’s no exact moment I can pinpoint when I ‘discovered’ I was bisexual. It was never that was. I think I always knew I was attracted to women but the mechanics of actually having sex with a woman seemed alien and scary to me. At school, in films and in the media I’d been inundated with images of heterosexuality as a teenager. Being ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ was touched upon briefly in the classroom, in an attempt to be more inclusive but bisexuality was never really mentioned. I never knew how ‘to be’ bi.
Even at University when many of my friends were openly bisexual, I still didn’t feel confident enough to explore this side of myself, manly because I was struggling with other aspects of my sexuality in general after experiencing a sexual assault.
My first sexual experience with a women was as part of a threesome with a married couple. I was attracted to both the husband and wife but I’d assumed going into it, that both myself and his wife would play with him and him with us. Prior to meeting we never discussed the wife and I playing together. It also happened to be my first threesome experience, so there were a lot of emotions and expectations flying around.
Upon first meeting the couple, they put me completely at ease. They said, if at any point I felt uncomfortable or didn’t want to go through with it, then I should let them know and we would stop. There was no pressure for me to do anything. This only made me want to spend the night with them even more. I knew they were the right people to have a threesome with and as the night drew on, the right woman to have my first bisexual experience with.
When it finally came to us all going back to the hotel room after dinner, it was all very relaxed and casual. The wife went into the bathroom to get changed into her lingerie and I lay on the bed kissing her husband. When she came out, wearing a black lace bodysuit I knew immediately that I wanted to have sex with her. She has a sumptuous curvy body and I desperately want to touch her.
The two of us started kissing and everything about it felt natural. I’d always been worried that I wouldn’t know what to do when the time came, but I need not have worried. She put me completely at ease and we kissed and touched for a long time, whilst her husband watched us. Then when it came to it, she initiated the oral sex and I reciprocated. It didn’t take me long to work out how she liked it and when she orgasmed, her whole entire body seemed to shake.
From then on, I knew this was something I was going to enjoy and was a natural part of my identity. I stopped thinking about my sexual orientation in terms of my relationship status. The two weren’t linked and it didn’t matter that I’d spent most of my life in relationships with men, I was still be bisexual. And more than that, it didn’t make me any less bisexual for having done so.
I’m writing this to challenge the biphobia I see all around me. The idea that eventually you’ll ‘pick a side’ or that you’re just ‘being greedy’. I’m not ashamed of my bisexuality. It has made previous partners uncomfortable and I’ve tried to put them at ease as much as possible, but ultimately it is something that need reconcile themselves to and it isn’t my job to make them ok with my sexuality. When it came down to it, I know there was this fear that I would cheat on him with a woman. I’m not sure why he felt I wouldn’t cheat on him with a man, but nonetheless, he seemed far more concerned about that. This was largely down to having never been with a bisexual woman before.