I’m Back!

20190412_143401

It feels like an eternity since I was last on here. I decided to take a hiatus from blogging and the world of social media and concentrate on my work and personal life for a while.

But so much has changed since I was last on here. The world is in the grip of a pandemic and our lives have changed beyond recognition for the vast majority of us. With 90% of our days spent inside, and the news filled with doom and gloom, I thought it would be the perfect time to inject some light relief back into our lives and restart this sex blog.

However, this won’t be the same blog is was before. I’ve decided to shift focus slightly and step away from discussing my personal sex life as I did before and focus instead on moving towards book reviews of erotic literature, non-fiction works with a sex and relationship focus and more broadly sex education. I’ll continue to do the odd sex toy review, as well as lingerie reviews but I won’t be modelling any of them I’m afraid.

I want this to be a welcoming space for all; a place where we can discuss sex, relationships and intimacy openly and without judgement. But I also want it to be an educational, non-stuffy environment that is accessible and fun. I hope you enjoy.

Cydney xxx

Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019 – I made the list!!

kinkly_top_100_2019_w

 

I really wanted to share with you all my great news, I made Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019!! I’m so overwhelmed with all the support I’ve received and I can thank everyone enough who votes, it’s very kind of you.

Creating a sex and lingerie blog was something that I thought about doing for a long time but it took a lot of courage to banish my doubts and the worries I had about what other people would think, and do it. So, to make the list with so many fantastic blogs, blogs I’d been reading long before I created my own, is wonderful.

kinkly_top_sex_blogs_2019

I recommend you go and check out all the other blogs on the list as there’s some really good ones on there, with a broad spectrum represented.

 

 

Making Kinley’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes has  given me the motivation to keep going and creating interesting content because I really do love it, even on days when I feel like no one is reading what I’m writing.

 

Sex Toy Review – Jumping on the wand bandwagon

Sex Toy Review

It would seem as if I’m the last person on the sex blogging Earth to go out and buy themselves a wand. My reluctance to purchase one stemmed largely from the fact that I currently own quite a few toys. I have a number of bullets, a rampant rabbit, a g-spot vibrator and a glass dildo. Why, when I own all of these, would I also need a wand? As it turns out, I was very wrong.

The one I opted for was the Classic Mains Powered Magic Wand Vibrator from Lovehoney in black. For me, the white wand looked rather cheap, whereas in black, it had a more expensive sleek look about it. Plus I figured it would be easiest to keep clean.

Lovehoney wand

Lovehoney wand

For those that don’t know anything about the wands, they were first used as massagers until some filthy bugger discovered you could use it elsewhere and now it serves to send many men and women weak at the knees.

My first impressions were of how heavy it was. There’s some real weight to it, I’m guessing to incorporate the powerful motor inside. I also noticed how loud it was on the higher settings so you might want to keep that in mind if you’re not blessed with thick walls. I’d also recommend starting off on the lower settings which sounds like common sense but boy are those higher settings powerful (don’t say I didn’t warn you).

The first time I used it was with a partner. I was tied up, spread eagle. We experimented using the wand in different positions on the vulva and holding in at various angles. I loved how big the head of the wand was. When placed lower down against your vulva it fits perfectly into the curve of your crotch. After some experimentation I found that I preferred this position, rather than having it placed directly onto my clitoris. It was far too intense and it ended up just feeling numb otherwise.

Once I got use to the sensation, we used it with my glass dildo. This helped achieve both a g-spot and clitoral orgasm. We alternated between holding the wand near my clitoris and pressing it against the glass so the glass vibrated inside me. I also found that I preferred moving the head on and off rather than keeping it held permanently there as it seemed to increase stimulation.

If direct stimulation is too much, I’d recommend starting off using it over the top of your underwear. It’s equally as pleasurable but the vibrations aren’t as intense, so great for foreplay.

What I like about the wand is how versatile it is. I discovered after I bought the wand, that it also comes with several attachments including one that resembles Gonzo from the muppets. This as well as using it for it’s original intended purpose means it’s great to use as part of a sensual erotic massage. I’m also looking forward to conjuring up other ways of incorporating it into my bedroom routine including using it on my male partner. 

Final Thoughts

Overall, the wand has been a resounding success. Now that I have it, I’m not sure what I’d do without it. I’m also looking it getting a portable version for those naughty trips away.

This is not a sponsored post and the wand was purchased with my own hard earned cash.

The Erotic Journal Challenge – Sexual Positions

The challenge for week #28 of the Erotic Journal Challenge looks at sexual positions. What is your favourite and least favourite sexual position and why. 

I don’t have a vast repertoire  of sex positions to call on. When I find ones I like, I tend to stick to those. New positions are usually attempted when none of the tried and tested faithful’s seem to be hitting the spot.

Anis nin quote

My favourite sex positions

69 tops my list of favourite sex positions. In this position I’m completely in control, when I’m sitting on my partners face. I enjoy feeling this lips, their tongue, their mouth and even their nose all over my crotch. The weight of my body pressing down on them is utterly erotic. In that position my partner can even slide a finger into my arse for extra stimulation.

Knowing that we’re mutually stimulating one another at the same time is a real turn on for me. The more turned on I get, the more vigour I inject into giving my partner oral.

If it’s heterosexual love making, then positions can be dependant on the size of my male partner’s penis. Some are far more enjoyable and comfortable than others.

In certain positions where the woman is in control and can direct how deep the penis goes in, it feels far more pleasurable if your partner is well endowed, positions like reverse cowgirl or many standing positions. Others such as the butterfly or where the legs are raised can end up feeling painful rather than pleasurable.

My least favourite sex positions

This brings me onto my least favourite sexual positions. This is usually anything that requires any gymnastic skills to get into or out of. Not only don’t I have the athleticism to do it but I don’t fancy a trip to Accident and Emergency either.

However, writing this has inspired me to go and buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. Not only don’t I know that many positions but aside from the likes of 69, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, missionary and the wheelbarrow, but I don’t know the names of them.

Hopefully in a few weeks time I’ll know my  snake from my crab position.

#EroticJournalChallenge
#eroticjournalchallenge

 

The Wonders of a Sensual Massage

A few weeks ago, I was out having a drink with a female friend and as the bottles of wine came and went, we started to talking about how much value we place on penis in vagina penetration in traditional heterosexual ideas of what makes great sex. This we are told, is the root to the big ‘O’ and everything and anything else is just a distraction before the main event.

We then started talking about some of the most erotic experiences we’d ever had. The first thing that came to mind was a sensual massage I’d once received. There had been no penis in vagina penetration and yet I ended up having one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.

It came about through an introduction from a couple I’d once met. They knew I was single and told me about a friend who was also single and a physiotherapist. They gave me his number and we started chatting and got on well. Our talk soon turned to what our fantasies were.

I confessed to him that one of mine was receiving a sensual massage. I knew a few people who’d been to sensual massage classes and raved about them and since then I’d really wanted to try one.

Having a massage is one of my favourite ways to relax and pamper myself. So the idea of a sensual massage was such a turn on. He confessed that he’d always wanted to give a sensual massage as a physio, but never had because he wanted to keep things strictly professional with his clients, which I respected. However, I wasn’t one of his clients and he asked me if I’d like to come along and have a massage with no pressure on it going any further than that, unless I wanted it. This seemed fair and so I agreed.

I arrived at the gym where he had his own physio room and at first it was awkward. The anticipation was clearly there for both of us. Despite having talked about going further than just a standard massage, and began to wonder if either one of us would go through with it.

massage oil

Ann Summer’s Nailah Massage Oil

He left me to get undressed and I hopped up onto the massage table, naked except for a towel covering my lower back. In all the massages I’d had before I’d at least worn a bikini or underwear so the feeling of laying completely naked on his massage down was a turn-on in itself.

He came back into the room and with my head tucked inside the hole in the table, I lay there listening to him moving around and oiling his hands with what smelt like coconut oil. The physio checked if I still wanted to go ahead and when I nodded he laid his hands on the top of my shoulders and slowly began to work his hands all over my back.

His expert hands travelled all over my body and slowly after he’d massaged my back and shoulders, he began to work his way down to my legs, inching the towel up higher so that it just covered the curve of my arse. He carried on innocently, working his hands up and down my legs but then I could start to feel his hands become more insistent and he gently partly my legs so he could massage up the inside of my thighs. This he continued to do for some time and the longer he did it, the more I could feel my body reacting.

Then he pulled the towel off completely and started gliding his hands from my back down the sides to where my boobs were resting on the table, down further to my arse which he began massaging, circling and kneading.

When he stopped to add more coconut oil to my arse, I moved my legs further apart and he took this as encouragement to carry on down past my arse to my pussy. There he spent a long time circling the outside. Using different strokes and a mixture of soft and harder motions he massaged the vulva and in particular the labia. I’ve never experienced anything like it, fingers that was just massaging the area but not inside me.

I could feel that the insides of my thighs were wet and the anticipation became too much and he slipped two fingers inside me. Generally, I don’t enjoy being fingered for too long. Those that I’ve experienced in the past have just left me feeling sore as they jab away at the area. Whereas this was completely different. It was slow and sensual and he moved his fingers not just inside me, but also to the bud of my clitoris and down the sides so that when I orgasmed, my whole body felt like it was shaking and held me for a while until I stopped.

So, yes whilst this did involve some form of penetration, I suspect if I had it again, I’d be able to orgasm without it, simply by having the areas around my vulva massaged, as well as the rest of my body. This proved to me that penis in vagina sex is such a limited and outdated way of thinking about how to have sex and orgasm in heterosexual relations. It’s certainly something I would recommend with a partner to get you in the mood or even when you’re not the mood or on your period but you still want that intimacy of touch.

I even went out and bought myself some massage oil so I could practice myself. I found a lovely one in Ann Summers called Nailah. The one I picked up was Orange Blossom and Cardamom and it’s heavenly. I couldn’t find the exact same one on the website but I did spot that the same brand have massage candles which are in the sale, so I’ll be getting those too. Click the link if you’re interested (not a sponsored post  just love the smell) Nailah Massage Candle 

 

Exploring the sex party scene

In my last blog post I wrote about how I was beginning to experience ‘sex party fatigue’. The experiences hadn’t been what I’d hoped they would be. I couldn’t decide if it was because of the parties themselves or my mismatched expectations. The more I went, the more I realised that it also had a lot to do with the person I went with. I hadn’t really thought about that when I first started going. I’d only really considered what I’d want from them. So I began to wonder if the sex party scene really was for me after all.

I’d reached a point where I’d sworn off them, that was until I started talking to a friend who’d been on the sex party scene for a while. They suggested that rather than leaving completely, try a different organiser. He told me about a club he was a member of that did parties in London and recommended I give them a try. However, it was a good few months before I actually agreed to go.

eye wide

The infamous sex party scene from ‘Eyes Wide Shut’

There were a number of reasons that I changed my mind and decided to try this sex club. First of, he told me there was a dancefloor with a DJ and bring your own booze. I felt reassured that if I didn’t want to have sex, I could still drink, dance and socialise. He also told me the club had a dungeon. This felt like a space where I could explore my kinks where again the focus was less on sex.

So, a few weeks ago I gave in and went along with this friend. I entered the club through a discreet, unassuming door into a reception area where I registered and they explained a little about what happens. The reception then leads into the main room of the club. On both sides of the room there are seating areas where you can sit and socialise. At the far end there’s a DJ with a strippers pole in the centre of the dancefloor. To the right are the fridges and bar area where you can bring your own alcohol, make drinks and store your booze. There’s also a locker and changing area to get into your fancy lingerie.

The club sits across three floors and I decided to explore the top floor first. From memory this mainly consisted of ‘the orgy room’, an entire room sectioned off with curtains and large beds to play. On the night I was there, there didn’t seem to be much play taking place and quite a few people sitting and watching. I’m sure this would have been a fun room to join in with, if there were less spectators.

I then headed downstairs which to the basement where far more people seemed to be congregating. Whilst exploring I found a small room off a kitchen area that was kitted out like a study with an oak table and chair. I loved the idea of all the role plays that have gone on in that room.

Next there was an open area at the bottom of the staircase with beds and seating. At the end of  a corridor there were a number of private rooms, with raised beds and lockable doors. I really liked this idea because whilst for some people, they enjoy being watched or watching, for others that’s not their thing and this offers a bit of privacy or if nothing else, a gentle introduction to ease you in.

Further along the corridor there were rooms with a glory hole, which I discovered when a hand popped out at me and made me jump. There was also a dark room which I assume was for sensory deprivation play.

Then came my favourite room, the dungeon which included a jail/cell with bars and a sex swing. The room was kitted out with all kinds of kinky apparatus including what looked like gymnastics equipment and a St Andrew’s Cross. This seemed to be the main source of play in the room. My friend and I watched as a beautiful young woman was being tied to the cross and played with by her partner and the Master of the Boudoir. Quite a large crowd gathered and it was very sexy to watch.

By this point I was starting to feel unwell, I presume from a burger I ate at dinner because as soon as we left the dungeon I started throwing up. Not the most sexy thing to see at a sex club. So that was my signal to call it a night and head back to my hotel, to stick my head in a toilet.

Looking back I feel that despite it seemingly being another disaster at a sex club with me getting ill and throwing up, I would actually go back again. The Saturday seemed very quite and there didn’t seem to be a lot of play going on that night. My friend did say it was unusually quiet so perhaps it was just a one off, although if I go again I’d be tempted to try a Friday night.

What I also liked about this sex club was that the onus wasn’t entirely on having sex. For someone like me who is still finding their feet in this scene, it was something of a relief. It means the option is there if you want to, but your whole night doesn’t revolve around it.

I’m glad I went along and whilst it didn’t turn out the way I was expecting (I won’t eat burgers before attending a sex club again), it hasn’t scared me off either. So whilst I don’t have any plans to attend a sex club again in the coming weeks and months, now that I have a years membership, the door is still open if I do change my mind and want to explore again.

Have you been to a sex club or party recently? If so feel free to share your experiences below.

Shibari adventures – My Initiation

‘Shibari.’ I first heard this word just under a year ago at a party. I started chatting to a beautiful Italian woman who, when I asked what she did, told me she was a ‘shibari expert ‘.

Immediately intrigued, I couldn’t stop asking questions. What was it? How long had she been doing it? Did it hurt? Did she do the tying or did she prefer to be tied? I knew absolutely nothing about shibari and so when she offered to show me more, I was too scared to say yes. Japanese rope bondage seemed so far out of my comfort zone and with a complete stranger too. But I went straight home and started reading up about it (and began to regret turning her offer down).

Shibari in Japanese means “to tie” and also known as Kinbaku, or “tight binding”. This ancient art form became popular around 1600 in Japan but was used from around 1400 as a method of imprisonment.

rope marks

Rope marks (picture is author’s own)

Back then I was just starting out on my BDSM/kink journey and I wasn’t quite ready for it until I was approached recently by a man who was keen to introduce me to it. He had many years experience practicing Shibari and I made sure to check out his credentials. He’d been to and continued to go to classes including those at a place called Anatomie in London. I was keen that my first time with rope bondage was with someone who knew that they were doing.

I wanted to experience what it felt like to be tied up and he was keen for someone to practice on so, I became his rope bunny. We have met twice now and both times I’ve greatly enjoyed it, mainly because it was less sexual and more sensual.

During our first encounter he brought with him a large cloth bag with his rope collection and 2 pairs of scissors. Out came a heaving coloured pile of ropes in reds, pinks, purples and browns all of different lengths and thickness. Different ropes were used for different parts of the body, he explained.

coloured ropes

Rope bondage

He started off by showing me his dominance by forcing my hands behind my back and pushing me down on my knees. He gathered his rope together as I kneeled in front of him and when he was ready he pulled me up, spun me around and flipped me face down, bend over the edge of the bed. A series of firm spanks with his hand followed.

I then found myself blindfolded and for the rest of the experience I just allowed myself to be moved and positioned by him. Not being able to see what he was doing heightened my senses and made me really focus on the feel of the rope against me skin, the pressure as it grew tighter, the slight burn when it was pulled. Then came the ache of my muscles as they were moved into position or tied in ways they’d never been before and held there. The more I relaxed into it and didn’t struggle the better it became.

The feeling of of being helpless was both exhilarating and scary and something I’m keen to learn more and more about. The next step for me, I feel is to start taking classes and learn it in a safe and secure environment because ultimately I’d love to see myself rigged up.

 

The Erotic Journal Challenge – My Sexual Realizations

Erotic Journal Challenge

I’ve been meaning to do this for some time, but with the Bank Holiday here, I’ve finally found the time to start the Erotic Journal Challenge hosted by Bridget Writes.
For those that don’t know about the challenge, Bridget posts a topic or question each week that encourages you to tap into your own sensuality and eroticism and answer the prompts however you see fit whether that’s with a story, poem etc. you get the idea. Once you’re done you post a link on her blog.

erotic journal challenge

#EroticJournalChallenge #eroticjournalchallenge

Week #14 Sexual Realization

For this week, my first week taking part, it seems fitting to start with ‘realization’ and the prompt to, “write about a time when you realized something about your sexuality.”

There have been a few stand out moments of realization when it comes to my sexuality, one of which led to the eventual creation of this blog, as well as smaller ones that you only appreciate looking back on.

But the one that came to mind first was actually a false realization, the mistaken belief that I might be asexual. This was around 2012 when I came across an article in the Guardian about a number of young people who described themselves as ‘asexual’. This was a word I’d only ever heard used to describe plants, so my curiosity was immediately aroused.

Asexuality

For those who don’t know already, ‘asexuality’ describes the absence of sexual desire, not, as some mistakenly think, the suppression of it, which is celibacy. 1% of the population describes themselves as asexual.

The article’s headline read, ‘in a society obsessed with sex, it’s hard if you have no sexual desire at all. Some are searching for a new form of intimacy’.

It was the word ‘intimacy’ that really stood out for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was craving intimacy, and not necessarily the sexual kind.

They spoke to Bryony a biology student from Manchester who felt unable to join in on the conversations involving sex and sexual attractiveness. But the overwhelming and recurrent theme was loneliness. There seemed to be a real desire to form meaningful relationships that didn’t involve sex and at that time, this was something I was deeply craving. I’d left University and my small but intimate friendship group where we were able to talk to each other about everything and I was missing that.

This coupled with the fact that I’d started a course of anti-depressants for panic attacks, meant that my libido was almost non-existent and I really began to wonder if I was asexual. My sexual desire seemed to have deserted me. I had lost all interest in sexual activity and I now realize I had confused this lack of interest with the fact that many asexuals don’t find anyone sexually attractive. At the time I had no idea that there was a link between a low libido and taking anti-depressants.

It took me a while but I soon realized two things; one, how closely my moods were linked to my sexual desires, something up until that point I’d never really considered. When I was feeling low my desires waned or disappeared. For a long time my low moods became the norm.

The Joys of Sexting

The second realization came when I reconnected with an old university flame who unexpectedly reignited my sexual desires through sexting, something I’d never done before. It wasn’t that I was asexual, it was that I had been deeply lonely and unhappy and lacked an outlet for expressing my sexual desires. The sexting gave me that.

Looking back now it seems almost laughable. Here I am writing about having once thought I was asexual on my very own sex blog. I’ve always loved words. Sexting, erotica and now this blog have helped me realize the power they have to excite and stimulate. Once I discovered that, there was no stopping me.

Of course there have been other realizations that came later, my bisexuality and my love of kink being just two of them. But the one I’ve just described has probably been the one that made me realize the most about myself.