Shibari adventures – My Initiation

‘Shibari.’ I first heard this word just under a year ago at a party. I started chatting to a beautiful Italian woman who, when I asked what she did, told me she was a ‘shibari expert ‘.

Immediately intrigued, I couldn’t stop asking questions. What was it? How long had she been doing it? Did it hurt? Did she do the tying or did she prefer to be tied? I knew absolutely nothing about shibari and so when she offered to show me more, I was too scared to say yes. Japanese rope bondage seemed so far out of my comfort zone and with a complete stranger too. But I went straight home and started reading up about it (and began to regret turning her offer down).

Shibari in Japanese means “to tie” and also known as Kinbaku, or “tight binding”. This ancient art form became popular around 1600 in Japan but was used from around 1400 as a method of imprisonment.

rope marks

Rope marks (picture is author’s own)

Back then I was just starting out on my BDSM/kink journey and I wasn’t quite ready for it until I was approached recently by a man who was keen to introduce me to it. He had many years experience practicing Shibari and I made sure to check out his credentials. He’d been to and continued to go to classes including those at a place called Anatomie in London. I was keen that my first time with rope bondage was with someone who knew that they were doing.

I wanted to experience what it felt like to be tied up and he was keen for someone to practice on so, I became his rope bunny. We have met twice now and both times I’ve greatly enjoyed it, mainly because it was less sexual and more sensual.

During our first encounter he brought with him a large cloth bag with his rope collection and 2 pairs of scissors. Out came a heaving coloured pile of ropes in reds, pinks, purples and browns all of different lengths and thickness. Different ropes were used for different parts of the body, he explained.

coloured ropes

Rope bondage

He started off by showing me his dominance by forcing my hands behind my back and pushing me down on my knees. He gathered his rope together as I kneeled in front of him and when he was ready he pulled me up, spun me around and flipped me face down, bend over the edge of the bed. A series of firm spanks with his hand followed.

I then found myself blindfolded and for the rest of the experience I just allowed myself to be moved and positioned by him. Not being able to see what he was doing heightened my senses and made me really focus on the feel of the rope against me skin, the pressure as it grew tighter, the slight burn when it was pulled. Then came the ache of my muscles as they were moved into position or tied in ways they’d never been before and held there. The more I relaxed into it and didn’t struggle the better it became.

The feeling of of being helpless was both exhilarating and scary and something I’m keen to learn more and more about. The next step for me, I feel is to start taking classes and learn it in a safe and secure environment because ultimately I’d love to see myself rigged up.


When he tells you he’s…polyamorous

I was laying in bed with my primal Dom when he casually slips into the conversation that he’s polyamorous. We’d chatted a great deal before we finally met and slept together and this never came up. Now all I can think about is whether I’d have chosen to go ahead and sleep with this man if I’d known about it before. I’d then have had a choice as to whether it was something I wanted to be involved in.


The truth is, I know very little about polyandry. With the exception of a Louis Theroux documentary it’s not something I’ve had an experience with. But now that the issue has come up, I’m keen to learn more about it to decide whether I want to continue, even if it’s only us sleeping together at present. 

What I do know is that to be polyamorous you’re usually in a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who also has other sexual partners. This is different from an open relationship, although from what I’ve read so far, the two seem to blur a little.

The bigger question I have though, is how much of my time and energy do I commit to something that was essentially thrust upon me? I felt annoyed when he first told me and I’ve spent some time trying to decide whether that’s because he didn’t tell me earlier or the thought of having to share him.  He asked if I got jealous easily and I said yes. I’ve only ever been in long-term monogamous relationships and I’ve never had to share. I’m not sure I have the temperament to be in a polyamorous relationship as I’d imagine being possessive is frowned upon. Nor can I see myself sharing easily.

Having said that, I do like the idea of being able to love and enjoy sexual relations with multiple people at the same time. I’ve never been keen on the idea of marriage precisely because I felt that one person my entire life couldn’t possibly fulfil me.

I’m keen to hear and learn about other people’s experiences of polyandry. Are you in or have you ever been in a polyandrous relationship. What advice would you give to someone in the early stages like myself? Do feel free to leave comments below or contact me directly.

The Erotic Journal Challenge – My Sexual Realizations

Erotic Journal Challenge

I’ve been meaning to do this for some time, but with the Bank Holiday here, I’ve finally found the time to start the Erotic Journal Challenge hosted by Bridget Writes.
For those that don’t know about the challenge, Bridget posts a topic or question each week that encourages you to tap into your own sensuality and eroticism and answer the prompts however you see fit whether that’s with a story, poem etc. you get the idea. Once you’re done you post a link on her blog.

erotic journal challenge

#EroticJournalChallenge #eroticjournalchallenge

Week #14 Sexual Realization

For this week, my first week taking part, it seems fitting to start with ‘realization’ and the prompt to, “write about a time when you realized something about your sexuality.”

There have been a few stand out moments of realization when it comes to my sexuality, one of which led to the eventual creation of this blog, as well as smaller ones that you only appreciate looking back on.

But the one that came to mind first was actually a false realization, the mistaken belief that I might be asexual. This was around 2012 when I came across an article in the Guardian about a number of young people who described themselves as ‘asexual’. This was a word I’d only ever heard used to describe plants, so my curiosity was immediately aroused.


For those who don’t know already, ‘asexuality’ describes the absence of sexual desire, not, as some mistakenly think, the suppression of it, which is celibacy. 1% of the population describes themselves as asexual.

The article’s headline read, ‘in a society obsessed with sex, it’s hard if you have no sexual desire at all. Some are searching for a new form of intimacy’.

It was the word ‘intimacy’ that really stood out for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was craving intimacy, and not necessarily the sexual kind.

They spoke to Bryony a biology student from Manchester who felt unable to join in on the conversations involving sex and sexual attractiveness. But the overwhelming and recurrent theme was loneliness. There seemed to be a real desire to form meaningful relationships that didn’t involve sex and at that time, this was something I was deeply craving. I’d left University and my small but intimate friendship group where we were able to talk to each other about everything and I was missing that.

This coupled with the fact that I’d started a course of anti-depressants for panic attacks, meant that my libido was almost non-existent and I really began to wonder if I was asexual. My sexual desire seemed to have deserted me. I had lost all interest in sexual activity and I now realize I had confused this lack of interest with the fact that many asexuals don’t find anyone sexually attractive. At the time I had no idea that there was a link between a low libido and taking anti-depressants.

It took me a while but I soon realized two things; one, how closely my moods were linked to my sexual desires, something up until that point I’d never really considered. When I was feeling low my desires waned or disappeared. For a long time my low moods became the norm.

The Joys of Sexting

The second realization came when I reconnected with an old university flame who unexpectedly reignited my sexual desires through sexting, something I’d never done before. It wasn’t that I was asexual, it was that I had been deeply lonely and unhappy and lacked an outlet for expressing my sexual desires. The sexting gave me that.

Looking back now it seems almost laughable. Here I am writing about having once thought I was asexual on my very own sex blog. I’ve always loved words. Sexting, erotica and now this blog have helped me realize the power they have to excite and stimulate. Once I discovered that, there was no stopping me.

Of course there have been other realizations that came later, my bisexuality and my love of kink being just two of them. But the one I’ve just described has probably been the one that made me realize the most about myself.

Those Naughty Reads – International Women’s Day

Since today is International Women’s Day, I thought I’d share with you one of my goals for 2019, aside from starting this sex blog. I started off the year with a real desire to track down and read more works of literature about sex and sexuality, as well as erotica . I started making a list of works I was interested in reading, reviewing and discussing here on The Secret World of Cydney. Below I’ve compiled a list of both fiction and non-fiction works that I’d like to feature.

If there are any other works you would like to recommend then please feel free to do so in the comments box. It may be that they’re works I’ve already read and therefore and decided not to include on this list. I’m particularly interested in finding more works of non-fiction.

I am currently in the middle of the first book I intend to review on here, Wetlands by Charlotte Roche.

A Spy In The House of Love an Delta of Venus

Two of the works of fiction I’m hoping to read – A Spy in the House of Love and Delta of Venus, both by Anais Nin. (images are my own)


  1. Wetlands by Charlotte Roche
  2. Delta of Venus by Anais Nin
  3. Spy in the House of Love by Anais Nin
  4. Lust by Susan Minot
  5. Bad Behaviour by Mary Gaitskill
  6. The Flamethrowers by Rachel Kushner
  7. What Belongs to You by Garth Greenwell
  8. A Sport and a Pastime by James Salter
  9. Cool for You by Eileen Miles
  10. G by John Berger
  11. Endless Love by Scott Spencer
  12. The Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille
  13. The Story of O by Pauline Reague
  14. Heptameron by Marguerite de Navaure
  15. Belle de Jour by Joseph Kessel
  16. Venus in Furs by Leopold van Sacher-Masch
  17. The Fermata by Nicholson Baker
  18. The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
  19. The Lover by Marguerite Duras
  20. Nine and a Half Weeks by Ingeborg Day
  21. The Black Book by Lawrence Durrell
  22. Justine by Marquis de Sade
  23. The American Purgatorio by John Haskell
  24. The Wellspring by Sharon Olds
  25. The Poetry of Sex by Sophie Hannah



  1. The History of Sexuality by Michel Foucault (I’ve read this already but instead to re-read)
  2. Vagina: A Re-Education by Lynn Enright
  3. Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We\ Believe about Women, Lust and Infidelity is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free by Wednesday Martin
  4. Is Monogamy Dead? by Rosie Wilby
  5. The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
  6. Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us by Jesse Bering
  7. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
  8. Bonk by Mary Roach
  9. Don’t Hold My Head Down by Lucy-Anne Holmes
  10. Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
  11. The Story of Sex: From Apes to Robots by Philippe Brenot, Laetitia Coryn and Will McMorran (translator)
  12. The Sexual Spectrum: Why We’re all different by Olive Skene Johnson
  13. Why Women Have Sex by Cindy M. Meston and David M Buss
  14. The Sex Lives of English Women by Wendy Jones
  15. Sensation by Isabel Losada
  16. Sex Drive: On the Road to a Pleasure Revolution by Stephanie Theobald
  17. F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed by Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson
  18. Doing It!: Let’s Talk About Sex by Hannah Witton
  19. The Cunnilinguist: How To Give and Receive Great Oral Sex: Top tips from both ends of the tongue by Alex B Porter and Susan Harper (editor)
  20. Jane Sexes It Up: True Confessions of Feminist Desire by Merri Lisa Johnson (editor)

Welcome to The Secret World of Cydney


Lingerie hanging

I’d like to welcome you all and thank you for stopping by The Secret World of Cydney. Writing a sex blog has been a secret desire of mine for a long time and whilst I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, I am one for setting goals and my goal for 2019 was to finally start my own sex blog. How I want this to look I’m not sure so please stick with me whilst I find my feet and this blog takes shape.