I’m Back!

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It feels like an eternity since I was last on here. I decided to take a hiatus from blogging and the world of social media and concentrate on my work and personal life for a while.

But so much has changed since I was last on here. The world is in the grip of a pandemic and our lives have changed beyond recognition for the vast majority of us. With 90% of our days spent inside, and the news filled with doom and gloom, I thought it would be the perfect time to inject some light relief back into our lives and restart this sex blog.

However, this won’t be the same blog is was before. I’ve decided to shift focus slightly and step away from discussing my personal sex life as I did before and focus instead on moving towards book reviews of erotic literature, non-fiction works with a sex and relationship focus and more broadly sex education. I’ll continue to do the odd sex toy review, as well as lingerie reviews but I won’t be modelling any of them I’m afraid.

I want this to be a welcoming space for all; a place where we can discuss sex, relationships and intimacy openly and without judgement. But I also want it to be an educational, non-stuffy environment that is accessible and fun. I hope you enjoy.

Cydney xxx

Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Superheroes

This is just a very brief post to say that this week I found out that I’d been added to Kinkly’s list of top sex bloggers. I’ve only been blogging since February so this came as something of a surprise to be included.

I still feel as if sex blogging is one of those areas of the blogging community that is largely ignored. Yet, it seems to me to be such a thriving area, including everything from erotica, personal stories and sex toy reviews. It also feels  like an incredibly inclusive community with writing by underrepresented voices from the LGBT+the and BAEM communities.

So I have a favour to ask.

It's Time to Vote for This Year's Sex Blogging Superheroes!

Kinkly are looking for their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes. The aim is to promote sex blogs on the internet. In order to be considered you must get five votes, that’s all. So, if you have a spare minute and you enjoy reading this blog and would like to continue supporting it, then please feel free to click on the link below and vote for my blog.

Vote for Kinkly’s Top Sex Blogging Superhereos

If you want to read more about how the blogs are judged, you can do so here

Sex blogging superheroes

Today is the last day to vote before it closes tomorrow so if you love this blog, then get voting quick! Vote before Monday 14th October.

My First Lingerie Review

As I promised, in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I’ve decided to use this month to start reviewing lingerie here on The Secret World of Cydney. This is something that I’ve already been doing for a little while on Instagram, but I thought this blog would give me the opportunity to go into more detail.

With that in mind I’m excited to start off by sharing with you the first of two pieces of lingerie that I picked up yesterday in Ann Summers.

Ann Summers – Faro Body

This is called the Faro Body in black. As anyone who follows my Instagram knows, I’m obsessed with bodies. I find them incredibly flattering, especially if you have a curvy figure.

We all have parts of our bodies we’re uncomfortable with and for me, my stomach is one of those. A body is perfect because it hides the stomach area and accentuates your other assets. For me I think of it as sexy shapewear.

So, I was a little concerned when I decided to try this one on because of the cut out detail in the stomach area. Added to that, the panels on the side and I thought this would just show off my love handles and make me look like a sausage spilling out of its casing. How wrong I was.

This was so beautifully flattering that it’s now given me the confidence to try similar styles in the future, a style I would usually have walked straight past. But as this one was in the sale, I took a risk and I think it paid off.

Even better, they only had it in a size 12-14 so I tried that on and it fit perfectly. I’m usually a size 14/16 dress size. What I do love about Ann Summers is that their sizing comes up a little on the large size.

The Faro Body was originally priced at £24.00 and it was reduced in the sale to £10.00 which I was more than happy with.

This lurex bodysuit is a sparkly material and Ann Summers recommends on their website, that it’s worn with a pencil skirt for a night out, which I may give a go.

One final observation about the Faro Body is that when I initially picked it up I thought it was a swimsuit. It doesn’t have water resistant material but it actually does look like a swimsuit so I think you could get away with wearing it as such. Just make sure you don’t stay out in the sun too long in it or you’ll be left with some funky tan marks.

You can find it in the sale here: Faro Body

Ann Summers – Kasie Lace Teddy

The second piece I bought was this Kasie Lace Teddy, again in black. This is a size L, so a U.K. 16-18. Sizes range from x-small to x-large.

Again, this was also in the sale. It would retail usually at £20.00 and in the sale it was discounted to £12.00.

There are a couple of reasons I chose this teddy. First, like the Faro body is very flattering because it hides the lumps and bumps. But what I like it that it manages to stay sexy by being slightly see through, especially in the bust area.

I also love that it’s a shorts teddy rather than a straight dress which gives it a slight boyish feel, again whilst still looking sexy. The material is light so particularly good for the warmer months, hence why it was probably in the sale now it’s getting colder. Though if you’re planning to go away somewhere warm then this would be perfect of a night.

The ruffles and V-neck front flatter the more well-endowed out there without making you look overly busty. The only thing I think that would have made this even better would have been if there had been some discreet bust support. But I’m assuming by doing so, it would lose the sheer effect so I understand why.

If you don’t want the sheer effect then it looks great with a lacy bra and panties underneath. I’m assuming if you’re wearing this to bed then you wouldn’t bother.

If you’re interested in shopping for this then please follow the link: Ann Summers Kasie Teddy

If you liked this review, then stay posted because I also bought a few other items which I will also be reviewing in the coming days.

The Erotic Journal Challenge – Body Love

Trigger warning. There are some parts of this post that may be difficult to read.

This challenge was originally posted for week #22. Since the next couple of weeks of The Erotic Journal Challenge are all about catching up on those you’ve missed, I thought week 22 would be a good one to revisit since it follows on nicely from my previous post.

The prompt was:

What parts of your body do you love and what parts do you have trouble accepting? Our bodies tell a story, what tale does yours have to tell?

I decided to answer this prompt by not discussing what I love and hate about my body but rather by telling you a story about what it’s been through.

Ann Summers Bra and Knickers

10 years ago I’d never have had the confidence to post a picture like this. Some days I still see all my faults.

In my teens I had what’s considered by some, especially teenagers, to be the perfect body. I was skinny. Not just slim but rake thin. The reason for this was because I was a tomboy. I trained as a long-distance runner and played for just about every team you could play for at school. I spent my evenings out playing with my sisters and I was almost always active, when I wasn’t reading. I was teased for being skinny and called a stick insect and anorexic. I hated my body and wished I had a curvy, sexy one that all the boys seemed to fancy.

In my late teens I experienced a sexual assault that left me despising my body even more. I couldn’t bare to be touched or even looked at. I stopped doing sports and buried my head in studying and going to University. I put a lot of weight on, to the point where I can’t bring myself to look at pictures of myself from ages 16-18.

I went to University and lost a lot of weight but I still wasn’t happy. My friends were perfect or so it seemed to me; slim, intelligent, accomplished women and yet they seemed obsessed with losing weight and I constantly compared myself to them.

I left University and for a while I was happy with my body and didn’t really give my size or weight much thought. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to do with my life and working my arse off.

Then I went on holiday and picked up a stomach bug which left me ill for months afterwards. This was followed by some of the most crippling depression I’ve ever experienced.

My body showed very little sign of the years I spent in my late 20’s struggling and suffering with severe IBS and panic attacks. The only physical sign was the slow weight loss, when eating anything meant feeling nauseous. It doesn’t tell the tale of how I was almost house bound because I couldn’t get on public transport without having a panic attack.

Where I completely isolated myself from friends and family because I felt guilty about constantly cancelling plans we’d made. How my sex life was non-existent because I was so embarrassed about constantly needing to use the bathroom. When going out for a meal meant days of worrying beforehand to the point where eating out became a complete nightmare.

Outwardly, my body will tell you none of those things nor will it tell you that slowly I managed to make a recovery, helped mainly by going back to University to study for a Masters and having something to take my mind off it. By having a group of friends I could confide in and who didn’t judge or berate me when I cancelled plans.

When I was in some of my darkest moods, I didn’t give two shits that I have cellulite on my thighs, that I have a dimple on my huge arse, that I have more chins than I’d like and more stomach rolls than a baker.

Body acceptance

It took a look for me to pose in my underwear like this. It wasn’t something I took lightly and gave it a lot of thought before I decided to start an Instagram account celebrating the lingerie I loved and posing in them myself.

I still struggle with my body now but it has less to do with my weight and size and more to do with suffering with severe sleep apnoea. This is a condition where I essentially stop breathing when I sleep. It causes me to get up constantly in the night and wake up in the morning covered in sweat because my heart is beating so fast to compensate for the oxygen it’s not getting when I stop breathing. I fall asleep at work, have mood swings and almost constantly feel tired. Once I was diagnosed I was given a CPAP machine which is essentially an oxygen mask that makes sure I continue to breathe throughout the night.

But it’s given me a new-found appreciation for my body. It’s also shown me that I have far more important health matters to worry about than what the scales are saying.

One other thing that has really helped with my body confidence is my Instagram account. It initially started off as a way to promote this blog and show off the lingerie I loved as well as the sex toys I was buying. I never planned on putting myself on it and it took a lot of courage for me to do so. But now it’s something that I really get a lot of joy from and the nice comments, whilst not the reason I do it, do help on days when I feel anything but sexy.

I love my body because it’s imperfect…well except, for my boobs. They’re pretty damn perfect.

Sex in my 30’s

Then & Now

Right now my sex life feels like the best it has ever been. It took reaching my 30’s for me to really start exploring my sexuality and experimenting. Prior to that I’d describe my sex life as unadventurous, with me lacking in confidence and overly self-conscious about my body especially during sex. I was worried about how I ‘looked’ during sex, I focused on the things parts of my body I didn’t like and would often find myself not really present during sex. It was like I was watching myself from afar having sex and picking fault.

However, when I hit my 30’s I started to notice things changing and a large part of that was down to a greater sense of confidence and an acceptance of my body shape and size.

I still have insecurities and I know I always will. I also know that unless I’m prepared to completely overhall my lifestyle and my eating habits, I’m always going to have roughly the body shape I have now and the older I’ve got the more I’ve realised that, if your partner is getting regular sex, they really don’t care about your cellulite and love handles. As soon as I started accepting that I was actually pretty damn sexy the way I was, I found that I was less insecure generally, and that they no longer got in the way of my sex life.

sex in my 30s

Comfortable in my own skin

 

I think another reason it changed because of the types of partners I was choosing. I was drawn, far more, to older men and women who were comfortable with themselves and their bodies and made me feel comfortable in mine. I was also less willing to accept spending time with people who didn’t make me feel good about myself.

Also, with age comes the realization that actually being thin is by far the least of your worries. When I found myself experiencing real ‘problems’ and difficult times, bereavement, family illness, a bout of poor health, I started to realise that I had far more important things to concern myself with.

Orgasms and Intimacy

I’m now in my mid-30’s and there’s very little I’d change drastically about my sex life. So I started thinking about what I love most about my sex life. A friend asked me last night about this and asked what I wanted from my sex life. I said ‘orgasms and intimacy’. I can honestly say, I get both and I couldn’t be more satisfied with my sex life.

This may sound simple and straightforward but actually it took a lot of time, experience, practice, self-acceptance, self-exploration opening myself up to new possibilities, to finally have these.

The last point is particularly important, because it was only when I truly decided to let myself go and try new things and be open to new experiences, that my sex life really changed.

Shower at the ready

One of those new experiences was water sports. I’d never really given it much thought and when I was asked a number of times about whether I’d done it or would consider doing it, I always assumed it wouldn’t hold any appeal.

That was until recently when I decided I’d like to give it a try. This may have been, in large part, down to the person I wanted to experience it with. I knew this was something he was experienced in and enjoyed it. There was something very erotic about knowing it turned him on and I wanted to be a part of that. My partner’s pleasure is incredibly important to me. I feed off their excitement and it increases my own. I enjoy watching my partner’s reactions, seeing them enjoying themselves and hearing them moan.

I was also curious to see if I’d be turned on by it. When it came to attempting it in his bath, I went first. It took a while to feel comfortable enough to just let go and release but when I did there was something liberating about it. There was also the excitement of doing something that’s considered a little taboo. Then it was my partners turn and boy had he saved plenty for me. I could see this was something that meant a lot to him and I was pleased I could do it for him.

Sex in my 30’s has been the best sex so far and who knows, I’m hoping it’ll only continue to get better in my 40’s and 50’s.