I picked up this book, Secrets of Tantric Sex by Claudia Blake, from my local Waterstones just before I got pregnant. I only managed to read a few pages before I had to swap tantra for baby books and now I’m keen to start dipping back into it.
Tantra isn’t something I know a great deal about so I’m fascinated to learn what’s involved. This book seemed like a great place to start.
What books would you recommend for someone wanting to know more about?
It’s been over a year since I last posted on here and a lot has happened in that time. For one thing, I went and got myself pregnant and had a baby, not to mention the small matter of there being a global pandemic.
I’d all but given up on ever returning to writing this blog. I regularly asked myself if anyone even reads blogs anymore? That was before I even got into the matter of whether I had anything worth saying.
All my energy was spent getting safely through my pregnancy and having a healthy baby. Anything remotely sex related went out the window.
I’m now 4 months post partum and taking care of a newborn baby has occupied every waking moment of my day. But as the months wore on I started to realise how much I missed writing.
When I began to suffer with post natal depression, I saw how little time I spent on myself and taking care of my own needs and so I decided to return to this blogging lark.
However, this won’t be the same blog is was before. I’ve decided to shift focus and step away from discussing my personal sex life as I did before and focus instead on book reviews of erotic literature, non-fiction works with a sex and relationship focus and more broadly sex education. I’ll continue to do the odd sex toy review, as well as lingerie reviews but I won’t be modelling any of them I’m afraid.
I want this to be a welcoming space for all; a place where we can discuss sex, relationships and intimacy openly and without judgement. But I also want it to be a non-stuffy environment that is accessible and fun.
Cyd xxx
I really wanted to share with you all my great news, I made Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019!! I’m so overwhelmed with all the support I’ve received and I can thank everyone enough who votes, it’s very kind of you.
Creating a sex and lingerie blog was something that I thought about doing for a long time but it took a lot of courage to banish my doubts and the worries I had about what other people would think, and do it. So, to make the list with so many fantastic blogs, blogs I’d been reading long before I created my own, is wonderful.
I recommend you go and check out all the other blogs on the list as there’s some really good ones on there, with a broad spectrum represented.
Making Kinley’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes has given me the motivation to keep going and creating interesting content because I really do love it, even on days when I feel like no one is reading what I’m writing.
What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘sensuality?’ Do you immediately think about it in a sexual context? I know before I started writing this blog and reading more widely, I did. So I decided to sit down and think about what sensuality means to me and how I incorporate it into my everyday life. What things did I find sensual? Hopefully this post will get you think about it in your own lives.
If ever a word evokes the emotion behind its meaning it’s the word ‘sensual’. For me, it conjures up thoughts of relaxation, of letting my emotions take over replacing thoughts with feelings. It’s something felt deeply. It’s purely about the senses; what can be felt, smelt, tasted, heard and touched.
It can but doesn’t have to be sexual in nature and I’ll talk about the non-sexual side a little later but for now I want to talk about the importance of sensuality in sexual relations. In my own sex life, sensuality is vital. Without it sex can feel devoid of emotion. When I think about some of the best sex I’ve ever had, there’s always been an element of sensuality, even with kinky or rougher sex.
I enjoy sex to its fullest when there are elements of sensuality and when my partner makes a real effort to be sensual. It can be something as simple as turning the lights off and lighting a candle but what it tells me is that for my partner, they recognise that sex is more than a mechanical act to be performed and completed without any focus on stimulating all my brain and in turn, my senses. It’s about creating an intimate connection with another person. For this reason sensuality doesn’t have to be all about sex. Even if you’re not in a sexual relationship or are but want to introduce more sensuality into your life, there are ways to do so.
Here are some sexual and non-sexual ways to introduce more sensual experiences into your life:
Touch
When it comes to touch, the most obvious sensual experience for me is a massage. Again, this doesn’t have to be sexual in nature. One of my self-care routines is to make sure that at least every other month I treat myself to a massage. What I love is that you’re at the mercy of someone else’s hands and allowing yourself to be touched in ways that we’re not day to day. Recently I’ve started experimenting with different types of massage from hot stone to foot massages.
Another thing that I find sensual is having my hair touched, played with and brushed gently. I love having my hair stroked and I enjoy running my hands through another persons hair (as long as it’s clean). This I find slightly strange and contradictory because I don’t enjoy going to the hairdressers. But head massages are wonderfully relaxing and I’d take one of those over a haircut any day.
Something I’ve not done much of myself is sex outdoors. But I can imagine this is a highly sensuous experience. For some people I know it’s more about the risks of being seen or caught, but for me it would be more about feeling the sun or a breeze on my semi-naked skin (this is the UK after all).
Being washed or bathed is another way of introducing the sensation of touch. The feel of warm water on your skin is deeply sensual and you could incorporate a body massage into this or have someone wash and massage your hair for you.
Finally, I dare anyone to disagree with me that the feel of soft, clean sheets against your skin is one of life’s great pleasures, (even better with newly shaved legs). Or the feel of faux fur rug or blanket on your skin when you’re having sex, plus it beats nasty carpet burns.
Smell
As I mentioned above, a long hot bath, being washed or bathed can ignite the senses especially if you incorporate scented candles, or one of my favourite things, essential oils.
Taste
Food is one of the ultimate sensual acts, in my opinion. What can be better than experiencing new tastes and flavours?
Whilst I’m really not a fan of eating food off another person, or have it eaten off me, I do enjoy being fed.
Savouring new flavours recently at a restaurant called Tattu in Manchester
Or how about treating yourself after a long and difficult week, to your favourite treat but rather than shovelling it down, take time to savour every mouthful. Notice the textures in your mouth as well as the tastes and don’t distract yourself when doing so by chatting or watching the tv. Be present in the moment, enjoy the experience and you’ll start to notice things you’d never noticed before.
Then there’s the obvious joy of tasting your partner, whatever that might mean for you.
Sight
It’s believed that men are stimulated sexually much more by visuals, Whether this is true or not, why not dress up for your partner. Put on some sexy lingerie or play dress up and try some role playing.
Ann Summers dress up
Alternatively, what about watching the sun rise and set? Or standing and watching a fire burn, especially a bonfire. The sights and smells of autumn are something I find incredibly comforting and it’s without a doubt my favourite season.
Sunset in over Lake Grasmere
Sound
Recently ASMR has grown in popularity. ASMR or Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response is suppose to have a calming effect that’s pleasurable and results in that tingling sensation. Its purpose is to reawaken the senses and ASMR has been popularised recently in adverts and music videos. Since I have problems with my sleep, I’ve been incorporating ASMR into my night-time routine.
If we’re talking about sound, then is there anything that quite matches the sounds of your lover enjoying themselves? Or what about getting yourself in the mood with some sexy tunes? Personally I love listening to a song in a foreign language especially Spanish.
Connecting with your senses
What you don’t want to do is fall into the trap of experiencing sensory overload so try to introduce one or two of these at a time. You don’t want all your senses competing against one another. By being selective you can connect more with your body and senses and in turn help you feel more grounded. Ultimately it’s about achieving a balance, as with anything in life, if you want to connect more with your sensual side.
The more you start to explore what sensuality means and the ways we can experience it, the easier it becomes to incorporate more of it into our lives, and explore doing so with or without a partner.
This is just a very brief post to say that this week I found out that I’d been added to Kinkly’s list of top sex bloggers. I’ve only been blogging since February so this came as something of a surprise to be included.
I still feel as if sex blogging is one of those areas of the blogging community that is largely ignored. Yet, it seems to me to be such a thriving area, including everything from erotica, personal stories and sex toy reviews. It also feels like an incredibly inclusive community with writing by underrepresented voices from the LGBT+the and BAEM communities.
So I have a favour to ask.
Kinkly are looking for their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes. The aim is to promote sex blogs on the internet. In order to be considered you must get five votes, that’s all. So, if you have a spare minute and you enjoy reading this blog and would like to continue supporting it, then please feel free to click on the link below and vote for my blog.
Vote for Kinkly’s Top Sex Blogging Superhereos
If you want to read more about how the blogs are judged, you can do so here
Today is the last day to vote before it closes tomorrow so if you love this blog, then get voting quick! Vote before Monday 14th October.
In my previous post I reviewed two new pieces of lingerie that I picked up in Ann Summers over the weekend. As well as the bodysuit and the black teddy I also selected a few other items that I didn’t have time to write about in my previous post.
Crotchless Ann Summers Briefs in black
Besides bodysuits, I also love buying suspender briefs and stockings. I’m building up quite a bit of a collection. It’s also worth mentioning that I have these in purple as well as in the black that I bought at the weekend.
Purple Bonnie crotchless briefs from Ann Summers
The reason I decided to buy these in two colours is because not only are they incredibly comfortable, but they’re flattering to the stomach area. By being high waisted they flatten the stomach and they have detachable suspender straps so you can wear them with or without stockings.
The string detail at the front is an interesting touch and gives the briefs some extra interest in addition to the lace and sheer panelling. The harness-style strapping I think is very sexy, not to mention the fact that they’re crotchless.
I bought both in a size medium, which is 12-14 as they do come up on the large size. I’d go a size smaller than you actually are if you want these.
These were bought on their own but they do come as part of the Bonnie set, so it has a matching bra. The reason why I didn’t also buy the bra is that I already have the Bonnie bodysuit.
They were originally £18.00 but were in the sale for £10.00. Here’s a link if they take your fancy. Bonnie Briefs
First up, the sensible part. Clean your toys!! That’s right, your toys do need a proper clean and I was running a little low on what I would usually use, which are the buzz fresh cleansing wipes. However, I was finding I was going through quite a few, despite buying a pack of 30 (I have a lot of toys), so this time I went for the cleansing spray. It’s a 150ml bottle and was £8.00.
You spray it directly onto the toy and then wipe it with a damp cloth. This is an economical alternative to the wipes which didn’t seem to be doing the environment any good with all the individual packaging around each wipe.
I haven’t used it yet so I can’t attest to how well it works but I never had any problems with the wipes that were from the same range.
At the moment there’s a Buy 1 Get 1 Half Price deal on Sex Essentials so I thought it would be worth my while getting something else as part of the deal so I chose the Dick Lick gel in Bubble gum flavour. It’s £7.00 although it would be half that price if you buy it as part of the deal as I did. The deal seemed like a great way to try a new product without too much expense.
Again, I’ve not used this yet but I tasted it in the store and it seemed better than a lot of the other flavours that were a little too sweet. I also liked the bubble gum smell but again, until I use it a few time, I can’t say how good it is.
I have bought edible licks before from Ann Summers, the Tutti fruiti lube and I found that one far too sickly sweet, hence why I only bought this one in a small size. I’m not sure I’d buy this at full price considering how small it is but it seemed worth a try as part of the deal. Link here: Dick lick
As you may know if you follow this blog, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. All over the UK events are taking place raising awareness about breast cancer. This is something I’m incredibly passionate about. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago and successfully fought, largely down to early detection. Since my grandmother also had breast cancer, I take it very seriously.
So, when a colleague, who is a breast cancer survivor herself, said that a boobie bus was arriving in our local leisure centre directly opposite from where I work, I knew I had to go and show my support.
The BooBee Bus
The bus is part of the wider prevent breast cancer awareness campaign. This particular campaign is called BooBee, bee aware, bee protected, adopting the bee logo that is the symbol of Manchester. The reason behind this is that Wythenshawe Hospital in Manchester has one of the first Prevent Breast Cancer research Units in the country.
You can follow the bus’s route as it travels across Manchester. The route is as follows:
9th October – The University of Manchester
11th October – Sainsburys Cheadle
13th October – Manchester Airport
18th October – Gadbrook Park, Northwich
21-25th October – Piccadilly Train Station
28th October – IKEA in Ashton-U-Lyne
29th October – Egencia, Piccadilly Gardens
31st October – GMP Stockport
These are just some of the key areas, but you can find more locations on the Prevent Breast Cancer Awareness website if you want to come out and show your support and find the Boobee bus in your local area.
Information and goodies from the Prevent Breast Cancer Campaign
On the bus itself there was information about the screening programme. This includes what we mean by breast screening, about the NHS breast screening programme and what happens when you attend a screening.
In addition, there was a rather cool little handy pocket guide to looking after your boobees, It shows you the kinds of things to look out for such as a visible lump on the armpit, dimpled or depressed skin, changes to the nipple, bloody discharges as well as lumps in the breast, to name but a few. I’d definitely recommend taking a look because there were signs even I didn’t know about.
The simple fact is, the earliest breast cancer is found, the better the chances are of you beating it, as with most cancers. So looking for any changes is vital as is getting it checked by your GP.
Ways to get involved in the BooBee campaign
If you’d like to find out more then you can do so here: Prevent Breast Cancer
info@preventbreastcancer.org.uk
Twitter: @wepreventBC
Facebook: WeArePreventBreastCancer
Instagram: preventbreastcancer
As I promised, in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I’ve decided to use this month to start reviewing lingerie here on The Secret World of Cydney. This is something that I’ve already been doing for a little while on Instagram, but I thought this blog would give me the opportunity to go into more detail.
With that in mind I’m excited to start off by sharing with you the first of two pieces of lingerie that I picked up yesterday in Ann Summers.
This is called the Faro Body in black. As anyone who follows my Instagram knows, I’m obsessed with bodies. I find them incredibly flattering, especially if you have a curvy figure.
We all have parts of our bodies we’re uncomfortable with and for me, my stomach is one of those. A body is perfect because it hides the stomach area and accentuates your other assets. For me I think of it as sexy shapewear.
So, I was a little concerned when I decided to try this one on because of the cut out detail in the stomach area. Added to that, the panels on the side and I thought this would just show off my love handles and make me look like a sausage spilling out of its casing. How wrong I was.
This was so beautifully flattering that it’s now given me the confidence to try similar styles in the future, a style I would usually have walked straight past. But as this one was in the sale, I took a risk and I think it paid off.
Even better, they only had it in a size 12-14 so I tried that on and it fit perfectly. I’m usually a size 14/16 dress size. What I do love about Ann Summers is that their sizing comes up a little on the large size.
The Faro Body was originally priced at £24.00 and it was reduced in the sale to £10.00 which I was more than happy with.
This lurex bodysuit is a sparkly material and Ann Summers recommends on their website, that it’s worn with a pencil skirt for a night out, which I may give a go.
One final observation about the Faro Body is that when I initially picked it up I thought it was a swimsuit. It doesn’t have water resistant material but it actually does look like a swimsuit so I think you could get away with wearing it as such. Just make sure you don’t stay out in the sun too long in it or you’ll be left with some funky tan marks.
You can find it in the sale here: Faro Body
The second piece I bought was this Kasie Lace Teddy, again in black. This is a size L, so a U.K. 16-18. Sizes range from x-small to x-large.
Again, this was also in the sale. It would retail usually at £20.00 and in the sale it was discounted to £12.00.
There are a couple of reasons I chose this teddy. First, like the Faro body is very flattering because it hides the lumps and bumps. But what I like it that it manages to stay sexy by being slightly see through, especially in the bust area.
I also love that it’s a shorts teddy rather than a straight dress which gives it a slight boyish feel, again whilst still looking sexy. The material is light so particularly good for the warmer months, hence why it was probably in the sale now it’s getting colder. Though if you’re planning to go away somewhere warm then this would be perfect of a night.
The ruffles and V-neck front flatter the more well-endowed out there without making you look overly busty. The only thing I think that would have made this even better would have been if there had been some discreet bust support. But I’m assuming by doing so, it would lose the sheer effect so I understand why.
If you don’t want the sheer effect then it looks great with a lacy bra and panties underneath. I’m assuming if you’re wearing this to bed then you wouldn’t bother.
If you’re interested in shopping for this then please follow the link: Ann Summers Kasie Teddy
If you liked this review, then stay posted because I also bought a few other items which I will also be reviewing in the coming days.
Thanks to tantra or slow-sex, my views of both sex and intimacy have changed hugely.
I’d like to think I’ve always been very open when it comes to talking about sex, even before I have having any of it. A friend of my mum’s used to host ‘tranny parties’ as she called them. Even back then there never anything remotely odd about this to me. It was only when I openly talked about it amongst my friends at school that I saw their looks of confusion, horror and dismissal. It was then that I realised that not everyone was as accepting of difference as I was nor as open to talking about sex and alternative lifestyles.
Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to meet some very closed-minded people. I say lucky because I think it’s important to surround yourself not only with people who share your views but also hold opposing ones. It is only then that you appreciate the importance of having your views regularly challenged but also helped me clarify and re-examine mine. I never want to become complacent in my views or attitudes.
In terms of my views on my own sexual journey and how that may have changed over the years, it seems to me that it has gone through a number of stages. At first I found myself learning about the basics and the mechanics of sex, moving onto feeling more comfortable about asking my sexual partners what they wanted, to feeling confident and empowered enough to say what I wanted.
Rather than being linear, this is almost like a cycle where I find myself revisiting stages. But more recently I’ve found my views about sex changing to encompass a desire to have more non-goal orientated sex. In essence I’m right back where I began, re-learning to have sex and moving towards what’s known as ‘tantric’ or ‘slow-sex.’
Tantric sex otherwise known as slow-sex has changed my views about sex and intimacy hugely. Like anything in life, the more you put in, the more you get out. It isn’t about forcing anything but rather it’s about enjoying being in the moment. Foreplay is key! This can include anything from massages, controlling your breathing and if you want to go that far, meditation.
I’ve learnt to take my time, explore my partner’s body with a variety of touches. I know that it’s about more than just being touched, it’s also about where and how. I like to alternate using my hands, whether that’s the tips of my fingers or my finger nails to using my tongue, my mouth, my feet or even my nipples. I find this increases sensitivity and I start to feel more in touch with my senses. Sex becomes far more sensual and less about reaching orgasm or simply becoming hard and/or wet.
I’m certainly no expert at this and I still class myself as a complete beginner, but learning about tantric sex/tantra certainly has changed the way I view sex for the better and it’s something I’m keen to keep exploring and practising in order to increase intimacy in my sex life.
In honour of the fact that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought this would be the perfect time to start introducing lingerie reviews onto this blog whilst also promoting breast cancer awareness. This is something that is particularly close to my heart as both my mum and grandmother have had breast cancer, not to mention numerous friends and colleagues.
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
If you want to know how you can support this great cause then no doubt there will be a Macmillan coffee morning somewhere near you. Alternatively, you can support @coppafeelpeople, a non-profit organization that exists to ensure breast cancers are diagnosed early and correctly. You can also follow the #grablifebytheboobs hashtag on Instagram.
Please, please ladies, make sure you are checking your boobs regularly. If you’re not sure how to do so, then your GP will certainly show you, mine did when I asked. If you notice a sudden unusual change in size or shape then do visit your GP. It’s the norm to have different sized boobs, so it’s only if you notice a sudden change.
If you’re checking your boobs regularly then you’ll come to know how they should look and feel and therefore notice any differences. You should be checking as far up as your armpits and your nipples (which was news to me). Catching it early is the best way to improve survival chances to if you do nothing else today, make sure you’re checking your boobs.
As for my lingerie reviews, these will start arriving by the weekend, so do look out for those.
The Secret World of Cydney 