BOOK REVIEW – Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski.

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski.

This is one of those books that I wave under the nose of anyone that’ll listen. So let me tell you more.

Come as You Are explores why and how women’s sexuality works, all of which is backed up by groundbreaking research and brain science. The aim, to transform your sex life. A bold claim, certainly but one that recognises that each woman’s sexuality is unique and therefore how we respond is equally unique.

The two models that form the scientific core of the book are what she calls the gas and the brakes or SES/SIS. In short,  it doesn’t matter how sexy the situation is, you’re not going to want to have sex if there’s something putting you off of it. Obvious? Well we’re use to hearing all around us that sex and our desire for it should just come naturally, but as the author states,like anything it takes work and preparation. Not sexy but very true.

The second model is around nonconcordance. This means that just because your genitals are responding to situation, it does not naturally follow that you’re enjoying yourself.

This ties into her model of expecting, enjoying, and eagerness, which describes different stages or types of arousal, and she explains how to use your awareness of it to understand what’s going on with your body. She talks sensitively about trauma, and how with the rates of violence against women, discussing trauma is inextricable from female sexual health (but she does give warnings if you want to skip those sections).

The book is written with a layman in mind, but includes enough science to make it a challenging read for those really want to get their teeth into the research behind her claims.

The author acknowledges it falls short when it comes to the transgender experience, mainly due to the current lack of any meaningful research. That aside, this is a book everyone should read, whatever your sexuality.  It’s a sex-positive book that aims to empower women, by stripping away a lot of the misconceptions and out right lies that we hear in the media and magazines.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5/5

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